I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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