I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Can Purell be used as lube?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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