Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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