are you still at the devil's house?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
