Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
