oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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