Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
