at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
