I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
