My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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