69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
