finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
