I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
