well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
