He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
