But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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