Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
