the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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