You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He has the fingertips of a God
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