So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
