A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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