my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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