im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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