I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
And then my night got REAL pukey
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
