dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
