Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
