i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
