I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
