I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
