You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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