I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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