dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
