Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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