I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
