we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
