so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
