When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
