hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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