his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
