it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
