just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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