HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
