Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Shame - the story of my life.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
