turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
