watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
