forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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