i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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