the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
