Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
