): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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