There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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