I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
