Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I have feelings that need drinking.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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