well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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