I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
