operation have a gay friend backfired
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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