Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Ketchup is God's man juice
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
