Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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