Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
