I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
