is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
