my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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