I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
this will be a night to untag.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
