wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
