Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
