Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
