Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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