I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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