I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
