I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I didn't notice because vodka
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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